I think the final chapter is a thoughtful and fitting conclusion to the book. It reiterates several essential facts and observations developed earlier and, beyond that, expresses a sense of wonder at the uniquely human capacity to form long-term bonds:

“Men and women have always depended on each other for transporting their genes to future generations. Committed mateships are characterized by a complex web of long-term trust and reciprocity that appears to be unparalleled in other species. In this sense, cooperation between the sexes reaches a pinnacle among humans. Our strategies for cooperation in mating define human nature as much as our evolved capacity for language and culture.”

Beyond this paragraph, I will highlight several other key passages from this short concluding chapter.

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Some adaptive challenges are not sex-specific. Because women and men alike have faced many similar evolutionary pressures, humans share a broad set of solutions to these challenges:

“Both sexes sweat and shiver to regulate body temperature. Both sexes place a tremendous value on intelligence and dependability in a lifetime mate. Both seek long-term mates who are cooperative, trustworthy, and loyal. And both desire mates who will not inflict crushing costs on them. We are all of one species from the same planet. Recognition of our shared psychology and shared biology is one step toward producing harmony between the sexes.”

But in addition to these shared adaptations, each sex has also faced unique adaptive challenges:

“Against the backdrop of these shared adaptations, gender differences stand out in stark relief and demand explanation. Men and women differ in their psychology of mating solely and specifically in the domains where they have faced recurrently different adaptive problems over the long course of evolutionary history.”

In principle, both sexes can exploit the preferences of the other:

“Some of these gender differences may be unpleasant. Many women dislike being treated as sex objects or valued for qualities largely beyond their control, such as youth and beauty, although some exploit these desires for their own ends. Many men dislike being treated as success objects or valued for the size of their investment portfolio and the importance of their status in a competitive world, although they too sometimes exploit these desires for their own ends.”

It is useful not to ignore the differing preferences of the other sex, but to confront them directly:

“and we squarely confront the differing desires and strategies of each.”

Men and women are not fundamentally united with their own sex:

“we must recognize that no man or woman is fundamentally united with his or her own gender, nor fundamentally at odds with members of the other gender.”

We now arrive at the central theme of the chapter: harmony and cooperation between the sexes.

I will conclude this chapter by presenting its most essential paragraphs:

“Men and women have always depended on each other for transporting their genes to future generations. Committed mateships are characterized by a complex web of long-term trust and reciprocity that appears to be unparalleled in other species. In this sense, cooperation between the sexes reaches a pinnacle among humans. Our strategies for cooperation in mating define human nature as much as our evolved capacity for language and culture.”

“Sexual strategies provide us with some of the conditions that facilitate the achievement of lifelong love. Children, the shared vehicles by which genes survive the journey to future generations, align the interests of a man and a woman and foster enduring mating bonds. Parents share in the delights of producing new life and nurturing their children to maturity. They marvel together as the gift of their union partakes of life’s reproductive cycle. But children also create new sources of conflict, from disputes about dividing the child care to reduced opportunities for nighttime sexual harmony. No blessing is unmixed.”

“Fulfilling each other’s evolved desires is one key to harmony between a man and woman. A woman’s happiness increases when the man brings more economic resources to the union and shows kindness, affection, and commitment. A man’s happiness increases when the woman is more physically attractive than he is, and when she shows kindness, affection, and commitment. Those who fulfill each other’s desires have happier relationships, especially if there are no interested others in the mating pool who could fulfill them more completely. Our evolved desires, in short, provide the essential ingredients for solving the mystery of mating harmony.”

“Knowledge of the multiplicity of our desires may be the most powerful tool for promoting harmony. It is a crowning achievement of humankind that two unrelated individuals can bring all of their individual resources into a lifelong alliance characterized by the remarkable emotion of love. This happens because of the tremendous resources that each person brings to the relationship, the bounty of benefits that flow to those who cooperate, and the sophisticated psychological machinery that we have for forming enduringly valuable mateships. Some of these resources tend to be linked to a person’s gender, such as a woman’s reproductive viability or a man’s physical provisioning capacity. But mating resources typically transcend these reproductive essentials to include such capacities as protection from danger, deterrence of enemies, formation of friendships, tutoring of children, loyalty through thin and thick, and nurturance in times of setback. Each of these resources fulfills one of the many special desires that define our human nature.”

“A profound respect for the other gender should come from the knowledge that we have always depended on each other for the resources required for survival and reproduction. We have always depended on each other for the fulfillment of our desires. These facts may be responsible for the unique feeling of completeness that people experience when they become entwined in the intoxicating grip of love. A lifelong alliance of love is a triumphant achievement of human mating strategies.”

“Our ability to control the consequences of our mating behavior is unprecedented in human evolutionary history and matched by no other species on earth. But we confront these modern novelties with an ancient set of mating strategies that worked in ancestral times and in places that are irretrievably lost. Our mating mechanisms are the living fossils that reveal who we are and where we came from.”

The final six paragraphs were probably the most moving passages in the book, and the ending and conclusion left me deeply thoughtful.

A comprehensive review of the book as a whole, covering all ten chapters, will follow shortly. In this summary, I will highlight the statements and themes that impressed me most.

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Summary of the quotes:

The final chapter of The Evolution of Desire serves as a reflective and unifying conclusion, drawing together the book’s central insights while emphasizing a theme that ultimately transcends conflict: harmony and cooperation between the sexes.

The chapter begins by reaffirming that men and women share a large set of adaptations shaped by common evolutionary pressures. Many fundamental desires and solutions—such as the need for trustworthy, cooperative long-term partners—are shared across sexes.

At the same time, the chapter stresses that genuine sex differences exist and demand explanation. These differences arise only in domains where men and women faced recurrently distinct adaptive challenges over evolutionary history, particularly in mating. Such differences can lead to discomfort, especially when individuals feel reduced to narrowly valued traits. Yet both sexes are shown to be capable of exploiting the preferences of the other, underscoring that these dynamics are reciprocal rather than one-sided.

Rather than ignoring or denying these differences, the chapter argues for confronting them directly and honestly. Men and women are not fundamentally allied with their own sex nor inherently opposed to the other; individual interests, strategies, and desires cut across gender lines.

The chapter’s core message is that human mating reaches its highest expression not in competition, but in cooperation. Long-term pair bonds, characterized by trust, reciprocity, and shared investment—especially in children—represent a uniquely human achievement. While children align parental interests and deepen bonds, they also introduce new sources of conflict, reminding us that no evolutionary blessing is without cost.

Harmony in relationships is framed as emerging from the mutual fulfillment of evolved desires. When partners satisfy each other’s needs—economic, emotional, physical, and relational—relationships tend to be happier and more stable.

The chapter closes on a reflective note, emphasizing that love and lifelong partnership are among humanity’s most remarkable achievements. Our ancient mating mechanisms, shaped in ancestral environments, persist even as modern conditions change, revealing both who we are and where we come from.